Wednesday 16th September 2009

By Gray Standen

At last the Humorous Speech and Table Topics contests were about to begin. President John Craddock and his hard-working crew had been busy behind the scenes preparing all the rules and regulations. Dorothea Stuart was Chief Judge; Timekeepers were Richard Holland and Andrea Blackie; Counters were new members Laura Shimili and Louise Lebentz; Maria Hemming was Sergeant at Arms. At the last minute, more contestants came forward. There was a real buzz in the room.

The first Contest Chair, Geetha Mazarelo, welcomed the Humorous Speech contestants, they drew lots for their placement and the first of the 6 speeches began.

Andrew Klimaytys, in his ‘Keeping Romance Alive’, suggested ways in which men could decrease their investment in romance, e.g., buying Valentines roses before the price went up. John Craddock’s subject ‘EQ, it’s size that matters’ took the mickey out of self-help books. EQ, by the way, stands for ‘emotional intelligence.’ Tom Biswas, in his ‘Good Friends & Good Times’, showed us that that the ‘&’ should be changed to ‘but Not Necessarily’. Jim McCluskey, in ‘Banksy & Beyond’ gave us a surreal trip in a gallery, which reflected that artist’s vision. ‘For Better, for Worse, Until Death Do Us Part’, Franco Vaccaro’s speech seemed to be about how men could keep the peace at home. Last, but not least came Glen Savage and his long title: ‘A True Story: It Shouldn’t Happen to a Naïve Aussie Lad Visiting Old Blighty.’ The quality of the competitors’ speeches was very high and the audience had fun listening to them.

After the break, the second contest chair, Jenny Betts, welcomed all of us to the Table Topics contest. Then the 10 (!) contestants were taken outside the contest room by Sergeant at Arms Maria, and were brought back in, one at a time, to answer the following question:

Do you agree or disagree with President Eisenhower, who said, ‘a sense of humour is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done’.

It is always amazing how many answers people can give to the same question. Franco Vaccaro and Gray Standen said that having a sense of humour had indeed helped them at work; Dennis Clarke answered historically, saying that a sense of humour was not the strong point of Hitler and Stalin, leaders both; Caine Free opined that respect was more important than humour; Tom Biswas suggested that Hitler’s moustache was the only sign of his sense of humour; Andrew Dias said that our Prime Minister had to be careful with humour; Heidi Ashley-Hacker argued strongly that a sense of humour got in the way of leadership; Lee Maben believed that we could use humour everywhere; Andrew Klimaytys warned us that humour is a minefield; finally, John Craddock contrasted two people at work: a dour ex-colonel and some laid-back (humorous?) IT persons. It was an excellent session, particularly as all the contestants got an extra 30 seconds for their answers.

While the Judges were away deliberating, Robert Yuen gave us some table topics, prepared by Maria Hemming. Sue Kennedy said her oddest fashion item had been a beehive hairdo. Paul Carroll (Athenians) told us that, in retrospect, rats did not make a nice unusual food to have eaten. Trevor Stokes said that if he replaced Terry Wogan, the first guest he would invite to the programme would be Paul Carroll. Pilar decided that the food which most represented the UK was tea. Jascyntha (Athenians) chose the colour orange to wear for one year. Andrea said that if she were to represent her country in a sport, it would be, hands up, chocolate-eating. A good session indeed.

At last Dorothea and Maria took the stage to award certificates to all the participants and announce the winners, starting with third place in each contest.

Humorous Speech
1. Glen Savage
2. Jim McCluskey
3. Franco Vaccaro

Table Topics
1. Gray Standen
2. Caine Free
3. John Craddock

It was a great night, full of laughter, team spirit and surprises.

The winners will compete on Thu 8th Oct – 6.45 for 7pm - at:

The Area 29 Contest
Hop Poles pub, upstairs meeting room
17-19 King Street
W6 9HR

The Hop Poles is very close to Hammersmith tube station. You enter the left side of the pub, walk straight to the back and out the door, past all the guys smoking roll-ups and drinking pints, and up the metal stairs, beyond the tables and umbrellas. Riverside will be competing with Trojans, Athenians and West London Speakers.